(Can’t sleep, so I’m writing)
I’ve been thinking lately how I would rule the world given a chance. I’m talking pure iron fist ruling and I’m much less concerned with problems like peace in the Middle East and crap like that than I am with problems like punishing people who use an elevator to go down one floor when stairs are easily accessable (death sentence in my book).
So, I ask you, dear readers, what are the one or two things you would do to make the world a better place if you were the almighty ruler of the world?
The only thing I can come up with right now is that I’d judge whether a couple could reproduce. If I judged you were a good enough example of a human being then you could go ahead and reproduce. If I judged you to be a bottom feeder and you decided to reproduce anyway, well let’s just say that scientists would then have a new embryonic stem cell line to play with!
This train of thought was not instigated by the recent showings of Idiocracy on Comedy Centeral the past few days, but instead by a personal experience with my wife’s best friend. This woman is due to give birth to her first child later this month. She should not have a child. Correction, she and her husband should not have a child. There is plenty of damning evidence to show that those two shouldn’t reproduce (at least yet, they’re still in their mid-20s), but I need only produce one bit of evidence: their son’s name is going to be Blade.
Fucking Blade. I’m not making this up. Their second choice name? Clutch, not much better. I was going to overlook her extreme emotional volatility and his ADHD when judging their future parenting skills, but after learning what they were going to name their son I lost it. The kid hasn’t even been born yet and they’ve already made a horrible choice concerning his future. White trash name their kids shit like that! I already let it be known that I will not call their child “Blade” and instead will call him by a normal name like “Steve,” “John,” or “Voltron.”
If only I could prevent people from reproducing the world would be a better place.
So, what would you do?