On Cluelessness

I like to think of myself as a fairly sharp individual who picks up on verbal and non-verbal cues.  Apparently, I’m wrong.

Yesterday, I was at the wedding of two of my college friends and me and a bunch of buddies were swapping stories, reliving old times, and just generally having a good time.  The best part was focusing on a single person and telling the funniest, most embarrassing, and most memorable shit we could remember to everyone in earshot (like my best friend who described his first rimjob experience: “it was like seeing a color you’ve never seen before,” by far the funniest of the night).

Unbeknownst to me, I was most well known among the people at the table as a heart breaker.  Every single one of them had a story of me inadvertently breaking a girls heart.    Even worse was that most of the people were talking about different women, so in total there were at least five women that I hurt and had little to no idea.  I knew some of them had crushes on me that I thought was kind of cute at the time, but I didn’t think I lead any of them on.  For instance, I gave one girl a kiss on her birthday.  I knew she had a little crush on me and I thought it’d make her night if I gave her a nice kiss (don’t remember exactly, but I think it was tongueless), and I was right; she perked right up and had a great night.  That was a bad idea.  She soon developed a much larger crush on me to which I was not privy and thought I shared feelings for her due to her birthday kiss.  One friend in particular had to console her though several crying sessions of which I was the unknowing cause.  It still baffles me to this day how I couldn’t have known how much she liked me.

That was actually the least painful of the stories I heard and I won’t go into any of the others since I played a slightly more active role in them and you’ll probably think slightly less of me for them since I may have played a more active role in what transpired (in my defense, it WAS college).  What hurt me most though was my personal view that I was good at reading people was being directly contradicted by these stories that my bastard friends had the gall to remember and retell.  However, upon close examination of my past I have noticed that I’ve always been a little retarded in the “how girls feel about me” category while I can read people very well in just about every other regard.  This is a problem I’ve had since middle school and something I’m going to have to change since I will soon be back on the market.

Don’t you hate it when friends make you think about self improvement?  Fucking bastards.

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4 Comments

Filed under childhood, hilarious, home, life, sleep deprived

4 responses to “On Cluelessness

  1. Hi, I came across ur blog and had been reading along. Great blog!

    BTW..don’t let your friends comment made u feel lesser of yourself..u know..girls feel..boys think…

  2. haha hate when friends make you feel like a bum… aren’t they supposed to do the opposite?

    as a girl, I can say that it’s kind of our fault– not you being a heart-breaker (I agree with your defense, though– college IS college!), but the non-verbal cue thing. in college, us girls… we were really good at that whole sending out silent signals and thinking they’re obvious. it takes us a couple relationships to figure out that in order to get a guy to understand how you feel, you kinda gotta tell him.

    and even knowing that, a lot of times we still don’t.

    so… i wouldn’t go around kissing b-day girls unless you mean it… but besides that, I wouldn’t worry about your karma being f-ed up from a couple college crushes. just tell yourself that the girls learned from the experience 🙂

  3. that was entertaining!

  4. Real friends don’t make you think about self-improvement. They just love you for the asshole and contrarian that you are.

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