I like to think of myself as a fairly sharp individual who picks up on verbal and non-verbal cues. Apparently, I’m wrong.
Yesterday, I was at the wedding of two of my college friends and me and a bunch of buddies were swapping stories, reliving old times, and just generally having a good time. The best part was focusing on a single person and telling the funniest, most embarrassing, and most memorable shit we could remember to everyone in earshot (like my best friend who described his first rimjob experience: “it was like seeing a color you’ve never seen before,” by far the funniest of the night).
Unbeknownst to me, I was most well known among the people at the table as a heart breaker. Every single one of them had a story of me inadvertently breaking a girls heart. Even worse was that most of the people were talking about different women, so in total there were at least five women that I hurt and had little to no idea. I knew some of them had crushes on me that I thought was kind of cute at the time, but I didn’t think I lead any of them on. For instance, I gave one girl a kiss on her birthday. I knew she had a little crush on me and I thought it’d make her night if I gave her a nice kiss (don’t remember exactly, but I think it was tongueless), and I was right; she perked right up and had a great night. That was a bad idea. She soon developed a much larger crush on me to which I was not privy and thought I shared feelings for her due to her birthday kiss. One friend in particular had to console her though several crying sessions of which I was the unknowing cause. It still baffles me to this day how I couldn’t have known how much she liked me.
That was actually the least painful of the stories I heard and I won’t go into any of the others since I played a slightly more active role in them and you’ll probably think slightly less of me for them since I may have played a more active role in what transpired (in my defense, it WAS college). What hurt me most though was my personal view that I was good at reading people was being directly contradicted by these stories that my bastard friends had the gall to remember and retell. However, upon close examination of my past I have noticed that I’ve always been a little retarded in the “how girls feel about me” category while I can read people very well in just about every other regard. This is a problem I’ve had since middle school and something I’m going to have to change since I will soon be back on the market.
Don’t you hate it when friends make you think about self improvement? Fucking bastards.