So, here’s one of my better drunk stories. It all began one fateful Saturday morning; a beautiful Fall day and a still-drunk-from-last-night me…
It was a tailgate morning, and being on a Big 10 campus tailgating is a big deal. Being students our setup was minimal but contained all the necessities: grill, burgers, and lots of cheap beer. However, this day we also had a red hardhat with horns on it someone had stolen from the dorm cafeteria. Destiny (and lots of beer) brought us together.
It was only technically nine hours into the day and yet six of those I had spent drinking, not an uncommon occurrence so I thought I could handle it. I was wrong. Someone put the helmet on me and being in a very impressional state I was told to begin ramming people. So, like a raging 135lb. bull I began a reign of destruction upon all those who entered our tailgate.
Many videos were made of me ramming people, knocking them over, and then screaming, “I RAMMED THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!” However, you can imagine that by this point I am becoming particularly unstable on my feet. Somehow I can ram people just fine but I can’t stand up on my own so I did the only reasonable thing a man in my situation would do: I hugged a tree for support. Scratch that, I didn’t just hug the tree, I was practically making love to it. See for yourself…
You’d think that after that I’d be done. You’d be wrong. A girl I knew took me and my best friend back to the dorms so we could pass out in peace. I wasn’t ready to pass out though, I felt like shaving. My chest. Dry. In the hallway. Wearing only my boxers.
The girl saw me doing that and pulled me into my best friend’s room which thankfully happened to be nearby. I then proceeded to pass out on his futon. I awoke several hours later with my friend passed out on top of me. He was also wearing only his boxers. It was totally gay. We woke up, put clothes on, and started drinking again.
I miss college.