More of the same story

Fine, I’m not a perfect person.  In fact, I’ve fucked up A LOT in my life, some serious but most not.  While I may mess up at least I take blame for what I have done when I care about the person I have wronged (if I don’t like ’em, then fuck ’em); the “current” wife does not.  This has caused innumerable fights over the past five years.  We both do something wrong, I take my fair share of blame, she blames me for all of it and refuses to take any responsibility, then we end up fighting over that rather than fixing the underlying problem.

She blamed me for everything that went wrong in our marriage and it was that single fact that led me to give up caring about our marriage.  It’s a horrible situation and I wish it hadn’t come to this, but it has and now I have to deal with it.  While I’m fine and I’m certain I’ll continue to be fine I am not so sure she will be.  Blaming others for your own failures is a serious issue that will come to bite you in the ass, and while this (and many other) lessons seem obvious to most of us they aren’t to those who really need to learn them.  I genuinely hope that she learns this lesson but I know she won’t and even though I don’t have an much of an emotional stake in her anymore I still feel “bad” (I know there’s a better word for what I feel, but I can’t think of it right now).

Because of all of this I don’t feel bad about getting divorced, yet it’s difficult nonetheless.  I’m frightened of becoming lonely and what that might lead to, but not enough to forgo the divorce and live a miserable life just to be with someone.  Oh well, shit happens, and I’m dealing with it.

Things could be worse, I could be on fire.

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1 Comment

Filed under crazy, life, marriage, sleep deprived

One response to “More of the same story

  1. …don’t try the on fire thing. cause it definitely would be worse.

    fighting is fighting, so any kind of it is awful. But the kind that has no resolution due to the refusal of certain parties to take part in the necessary compromise of apologies and joint-blame? Double awful.

    Divorce is a hard thing. Haven’t done it personally, but my parents have gone through a few. All I can say is– when you know it’s wrong, it’s wrong. Move on. In the end, at some point, you’ll be better off.

    and again, don’t try the on fire thing. 🙂

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