Packing has given me some time to think

These have been interesting times in my life.  It’s now been approximately a year since my wife and I have been separated emotionally and six months since we’ve split physically (well, not completely…).  It has been long enough to think through our feelings and attempt to figure out our future and yet we’re still just as confused as ever.  However, our relationship has blossomed since splitting in February and now I see her several times a week.  We walk and talk, eat and drink, and just generally carry on like we used to when we first fell for one another six summers ago.

As you can imagine this hasn’t been easy for either of us.  We’re made for one another, just not as husband and wife; at least, not yet.  Because of this we haven’t started dating other people yet and have actually talked about how we don’t really want to in the future.  We were half serious about the proposal due to numerous reasons; the most obvious being that it’s not easy finding someone you’re compatible with.  While we’re obviously not perfect for one another we do compliment the other quite nicely and we have the advantage of knowing one another for our entire adult lives.  It seems as though we’ve come to realize that our other options are much less attractive than just sticking with one another.  There are a lot of freaks out there and sometimes such people do a good job of hiding it just long enough to get you to drop your guard, and we just don’t want to have to deal with that kind of shit at this point in our lives.   However, we may have to, which makes our situation that much more confusing and difficult.

I still love her and, barring some ridiculously out of character actions, probably always will.  At the very least we will continue to be best friends and confidants, which we realize will make future relationships potentially difficult but by this point in life most people have some baggage that their significant other will just have to buck up and deal with.  This is our baggage, so fucking get over it because it could be much worse.  Of course, this all assumes we’ll be getting into new relationships and as of this moment I’m not exactly sure what sort of odds I’m willing to give such an outcome.

In all actuality I’m extremely confused by the situation and don’t really want to think about its future repercussions.  Maybe I’ll feel differently soon and maybe I won’t.  Either way I know it is going to be difficult and I am not looking forward to dealing with the emotions the future holds.

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Filed under crazy, life, marriage, sleep deprived, uncategorized

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