On loneliness

Coming back into the fold of single life has been relatively easy for the most part. I’ve been living in my new place for a month now and that time has been a relatively novel experience. However, the novelty has begun to wear thin and the loneliness associated with being single has begun to set in. It’s an alien feeling that I had not fully anticipated and have yet to understand what to do with.

Spending time in lab and with friends has thus far kept me sane and happy, but I know that this cannot last forever. At some point I’m going to have to deal with this. Sooner would be better than later but I have no idea how to begin to deal with this problem. It’s clearly not just my problem since I’ve been talking with a few other friends about the very same issue, and they’ve been single for years.

The question becomes: what will I do when true loneliness comes? Stemming the tide with exercise, cooking, work, and hanging out with friends will only take me so far. At some point the only thing I feel that can keep me from going crazy is some sort of relationship and I fear that desperation may take hold at some point and usurp reason, leading me down the path to another divorce. I realize there are two people involved at that point and it’s reasonable to think that the other person wouldn’t let that happen, but I’m a realist and know that even though the other person is likely to have more experience dealing with loneliness it doesn’t mean a bad decision won’t be made.

Oh well, I guess it’s all theoretical at this point and I shouldn’t really concern myself with it.

I’ll just drink instead.

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2 Comments

Filed under divorce, grad school, just sad, life, marriage, relationship, sleep deprived, social

2 responses to “On loneliness

  1. ” At some point the only thing I feel that can keep me from going crazy is some sort of relationship and I fear that desperation may take hold at some point and usurp reason, leading me down the path to another divorce.”

    ok this might be the exactly wrong thing to say but… I think letting the just-seeking-someone itch prevail is probably why 2nd marriages have an even higher divorce rate, around 67% rather than 50% :\ you’re definitely not alone in the post-split weirdness, though. Pretty sure it happens to everyone, and eventually with enough distraction + time + reminding yourself why it ended (+ a well-stocked bar), you’ll wake up one day and be surprised to realize you haven’t felt lonely or thought about the ‘ex’ in a week.

  2. No, you’re correct, and that’s precisely my reasoning as well. I won’t fall prey to it, but I just have a feeling it’s going to be quite difficult.

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